


but we have known each other too well in the dark for this

by ghostblue



Category: Runaways (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Panic Attacks, Post-Season Finale, idk lads there is just A Lot to talk abt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-13 07:25:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13565697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostblue/pseuds/ghostblue
Summary: "Gert said you came back for me,” she says, and Nico stills. “She said that before you all left the dig site, you came back."“Yeah, I did.”Karolina bites her lip. “She said it was you who convinced them to look for me in the morning, too.”Nico finds her voice. “Well, when a pretty girl kisses you and then decides to sacrifice herself for everyone, you don’t leave her to fight alone.”[after the confrontation with their parents, the runaways regroup and try and find their place in the world. with no way to know how long they will survive, nico and karolina stumble into something hopeful and new, and discover what it really means to choose love above all else.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> what's up kids, let's get gay

Amy has been dead for two months the first and only time Nico tries running away from home. She doesn’t get very far; makes a haphazard attempt to pack some clothes, cash and food into a backpack, only to double back for a jacket and come to a stop outside Amy’s bedroom.

Some stupid _stupid_ part of her brain thinks, _I can’t leave without say goodbye _,__ and for a single heartbeat she thinks if she opens the door Amy will be there, flat out on her front like a star fish, one arm dangling over the side of the bed-

She thinks, just _maybe-_

She startles at a thudding sound and realises she’s dropped her backpack, and follows it to the floor with a heavy sob, swiping furiously at her eyes. Amy is _gone_ , and nobody knows how to look at her or what to say, and the only thing she ever feels is a painful and demanding anger in her chest, exhaustion needling her bones.

Until now, apparently. Weeks of repressed emotions come clawing up her throat and Nico feels a kind of sadness that _aches _.__

She doesn’t know how long it is until her mom finally finds her curled up on the floor. She knees down beside her, and Nico thinks _I hate you, why won’t you tell me the truth? Don’t you love us?_  Maybe she says it aloud, because her mom looks at her with that patented neutral expression Nico has begun to loath, like she’s being careful not to flinch away at her anger.

She’s lifted to her feet and guided to her room, and then her mom goes about wiping her face clean with a hot pressed towel, and undressing and redressing her into an old pair of pyjamas that are soft and worn _ _.__

“I do love you, Nico,” her mom whispers before she tucks her under the covers. “More than you’ll probably ever understand.”

“Did Amy understand?” Nico asks wearily, already feeling sleep tugging her under.

Her mom looks down at her with an unreadable expression, and opens her mouth as if to say something, only to shut it again. Eventually she says, “Goodnight, Nico,” and backs slowly out of the room, leaving Nico alone in the dark, her unpacked bag at the foot of the bed.

She never thinks about leaving again. There is nowhere to run where Amy wouldn’t follow.

 

* * *

 

Then, on the two year anniversary of Amy's death, Alex Wilder invites them all over for pizza, and everything begins to slide toward chaos.

 

* * *

 

“Should we look for him?”

It’s their second night as runaways, and the reality of having nobody to turn to has dampened the camp fire mood somewhat, as does the fact that Alex still hasn’t returned.

Nico hasn’t brushed her teeth properly in two days and she’s dying for a shower and her bra is starting to get uncomfortable and somewhere in the middle of all this, she thinks that maybe she’s bisexual and possibly falling fast for a luminous alien lesbian and- 

They have no plan. No money. No options. Alex has fucked off to god knows where.

They’re _on the run,_ and right now she misses her sister so much it hurts _ _.__

She huddles closer to the fire and stares into the flames as the others murmur vague suggestions about searching for Alex. Nico tries to block them out. Amy was the one who used to look after them all- fix things when they went wrong, make everyone feel better if things _couldn't_ be fixed. 

In the months following her supposed suicide, Nico would swing violently between wishing Amy was still alive, and wishing that she had never existed in the first place. She would imagine what her life would have been like without the weight of losing a best friend and big sister, being _free_  andunburdened, no confusion or anger to drown in. Those days usually ended with Nico filled with unimaginable guilt and shame, horrified at herself for even _thinking_ -

She would sit in the dark and light a single candle in repentance, squeeze her eyes shut and whisper, _I’m sorry, I love you, I’m sorry,_ until the words blurred and the candle smoked out.

“Nico?” A voice brings her out of her daydreaming, and she looks up to find them all watching her. “What do you think?”

They’re waiting on _her_ to make a decision, she realises, and the pressure unsettles her stomach. Her brain helpfully supplies, _like mother like daughter _,__ and she swallows down discomfort at the thought.

“He’s not missing.” She gives a careful shrug. “He chose to go wherever he’s gone,” she says, and nobody argues with her. She pulls her arms tighter around her body and refuses to think any more about her mom and Alex _ _,__ and the anger that simmers underneath her fear. 

 

* * *

 

Molly retreats into the van first, already half asleep, and Gert and Chase follow, all awkward touches and shy glances. _Puppy love,_ Nico thinks and shakes her head. She catches Karolina’s eyes over the dying flames, and supposes she has absolutely no leg to stand on. She knows what that slow and tentative high is like. Specifically - how Karolina feels soft beneath her fingertips, how her lips buzz when they kiss. It’s thrilling and terrifying all at once, dizzying and wholly addictive.

If she squeezes her eyes shut she thinks she can remember the feeling of Karolina’s arm looped in hers at her 10th birthday party at the ice rink on the edge of town. Karolina leading, dragon breath curling in the cool air, spinning them in graceful circles. She thinks of cook outs in the Dean’s back yard in the height of the California summer, lounging by the pool, all seven of them hyped up on warmth and caked in sunscreen. Karolina sharing her pastel pink towel, squealing when Alex cannon-balled into the water. Charity functions weekend after weekend, pulling off her kid-sized heels, hitching up her dress and following Karolina out onto the patio to run around in the dewy grass. She thinks, Karolina glowing somehow before all of this. She thinks, Karolina’s __smile.__

She’s always been there. Completely and utterly impossible to ignore.

“Hey.”

Nico looks up to find Karolina watching her.

“Hey.”

“The fire is out, I’m going to try and sleep.” Karolina gestures toward the van and Nico follows the line of her body against the sunset. “You coming?” She asks, and holds out her hand.

If this is what stands before her, Nico thinks, then maybe it’s inevitable that she’s done for. "Yeah," she says, and reaches out until their fingers tangle.

 

* * *

 

The van is a little cold and unforgiving, but they make do. There’s a mega pack of baby wipes, passed between them, doubling as make-up remover and quick fix showers. Nico sits, half in half out of the van, one foot swinging over the edge as she clears as much of her make-up away as possible. There’s a grunt behind her and Nico stifles a laugh as she looks round to see Karolina shoving at Chase’s legs until there is room on one side for them both to lie down.

Nico thinks maybe it should bother her more that Chase knows something, but then again it’s Chase _ _.__ The gangly boy who snuck into her house one evening because his mom was away overnight on a rare trip without her husband, and Chase didn’t want to be alone with his dad. Chase, who snores if he sleeps on his side and wears his jock persona like Nico wears her lipstick.

“What are you thinking about?” Karolina interrupts her thoughts and Nico realises there’s a disgustingly fond smile on her own face.

She shakes her head. “Family.” 

Karolina, the angel that she is, doesn’t press, just gives her a quiet nod and says, “You missed a bit.” She very lightly brings her fingers up to brush aside Nico’s hair. “Let me?”

Nico sits frozen still as Karolina takes the wipe from her hands and clears away the last of her eye shadow in gentle, methodical movements.

“Okay,” Karolina says after a moment. “All good?”

Nico nods, decidedly grateful that Karolina doesn’t say anything about seeing her face bare. 

“I made us space to sleep,” Karolina says instead with a shy grin, and disappears back into the van.

Nico follows, stripping down a couple of layers before she settles under a pile of coats and blankets. She stuffs her extra clothes underneath her body and tries to ignore the something-pointy digging into her thigh. She ends up rolling onto her side, restless a minute later and Karolina shifts to face her.

“Your hands are cold,” Nico says when their fingertips brush.

Karolina hums in response, shuffling a little closer. “So are yours.”

Nico wonders if this is what her sister meant when she said being a teenager was complicated. Missteps and half-confessions. Unexpected _sapphic drama._

“Are you okay?” Karolina asks.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Nico opts for deflection. “A lot of bad shit has happened to you in the past few weeks.”

“Not just me,” Karolina says, “and not all bad.”

Nico thinks, _I know who you are _.__  She thinks, _I’ve wanted to do that for a long time._

“Not all bad,” she echoes.

Karolina hesitates. “Gert said you came back for me,” she says, and Nico stills. “She said that before you all left the dig site, you came back.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Karolina bites her lip. “She said it was you who convinced them to look for me in the morning, too.”

Nico finds her voice. “Well, when a pretty girl kisses you and then decides to sacrifice herself for everyone, you don’t leave her to fight alone.”

Karolina flashes her teeth. “You think I’m pretty?”

Nico fights the urge to squirm, feels her heart beating loud and fast and brave. “Yeah,” she says, reaching out to trace Karolina’s jaw with her thumb. “If you hadn’t noticed, I think you’re kind of incredible.”  

Karolina grins and Nico feels it under her fingertips, feels _powerful_ at making it happen.

“Okay,” Karolina whispers, and then Nico can’t breathe because Karolina is close, so close, and Nico wonders if she’s imagining the sweetest touch of Karolina’s lips against hers as she murmurs, “Goodnight,” into her mouth, and then rolls away.

Nico only has a second to simultaneously feel disappointed and relieved at the loss of proximity, before a hand grabs hers and tugs lightly. She catches on, and after a moment of hesitation she shifts so her arm is wrapped snug and warm around Karolina’s waist, fingers splayed against the thin material of the tank covering her ribs.

Karolina makes a pleased noise, and Nico laughs quietly. “I see how it is,” she says, her lips ghosting over Karolina’s bare shoulders. “My 5ft 2 ass is the big spoon in this relationship?”

“If I have to break my neck each time I kiss you, the least you could do is be the big spoon.”

They’re _flirting _,__ Nico thinks absently, and it’s probably going to kill her, if the light-headedness and heart palpitations are anything to go by.

It’s not until later when she’s dozing off that she realises she said the word  _relationship_ , and that should definitely be cause for concern. But for some reason she can't bring herself to care, not when she's surrounded by her friends, slumbering in the back of a stolen church van, and Karolina Dean is pressed safely against her front. _In_ _the morning,_ she thinks.  _In the morning._


	2. Chapter 2

Karolina wakes to the muffled sound of Molly and Gert talking in low voices. They're sitting on one side of the van, squashed shoulder to shoulder under a blanket, and Molly looks over when Karolina shifts to stretch her legs out. “Hey, Karolina.”

“Hey,” she murmurs.

Molly smiles at her.

“What?”

Beside Molly, Gert rolls her eyes. 

“Nothing, K. You just look cosy, is all.” Molly grins and Karolina looks down and follows her gaze to where Nico is curled against her side with an arm looped over her stomach. She doesn’t bother to tamp down her smile at the sight. “Gross,” Molly says, scrunching up her nose, and Karolina feels her heart beat jittery and light in her chest.

There’s a knock on the back door before she can reply, and Chase appears looking relieved.

“Alex is back,” is all he says, and motions for them to join him.

The girls kick off their blankets and clamber out of the van into the morning sun, and Karolina reaches down to brush Nico’s cheek.

“Hey,” she says softly and gets a grumble in response. “We’ve gotta get up,” she says, and Nico mutters something that sounds suspiciously like _make me_ and tightens her grip on Karolina’s torso. Karolina laughs as she’s pulled back into their cocoon of blankets, reluctant to shatter the moment. “C’mon, time to get up,” she tries again to no response. “I didn’t realise you were such a snuggler,” she says, and Nico grumbles louder. Karolina sighs, and knows what she has to say. “Nico, Alex is back.”

Nico opens her eyes, and Karolina pushes down the jealousy that flares because she refuses to be _that_ person. But Nico’s focus shifts as she takes in their position and she looks up at Karolina with a sleepy smile. “Hi,” she says, voice several notes below its usual tone. Karolina tries very hard not to be affected.

“Hello,” she replies, and they watch each other for a quiet moment, until there’s a bang on the side of the van and Molly calls, _hurry up, love birds._

This time, Karolina does blush.

“We’d better-”

“Yep.” Karolina nods and disentangles herself from the blankets.

When they emerge from the van, Alex nods at them, his gaze a little inquisitive.

“So, dude, where have you been?” Molly thankfully interjects.

Alex turns toward her and tosses something small and compact at her chest. “I went to find us an ally,” he says. 

“Holy shit, Wilder,” Chase breathes, and Karolina blinks in surprise, looking down at the roll of cash in Molly’s hands.

“Where the hell did you get that?” Nico asks, fully awake.

“Don’t worry about it.” Alex shrugs.

“Are you kidding? We’re just supposed to overlook you disappearing last night without saying anything, and coming back with stacks of money?"

"We needed cash, I got us cash. It doesn't matter how." 

“Like hell it doesn’t-” Nico starts forward, only to stop when Karolina catches her arm. Alex tracks the movement and Nico pulls away immediately, leaving Karolina’s fingertips burning, a prickling ache in her chest.

“Just- don’t worry about it.” Alex sighs after a moment of tense silence. “We weren’t going to last long if we didn’t have any money. So, problem solved.”

“Actually, I’m pretty worried,” Gert chimes in. “If we’re gonna do this, we’ve got to be honest with each other. We’ve got to be able have each other’s backs, right?”

“Right,” Karolina agrees, and Gert smiles at her gratefully.

“So… Alex?” Gert prompts.

“Fine.” He shakes his head. “I went to see Darius.”

“The mob guy?” Molly says, excited, at the same time as Nico groans, “Unbelievable.”

“I figured, enemy of my enemy, right?” Alex dares them to challenge him. “And it got us ten grand and a safe place to stay in LA, so you can chew me out as much as you like, but I did what I had to do. For all of us.”

There’s a pause before Chase concedes, “I guess we had to get help somewhere,” and shrugs when Gert glares at him.

“What did he want in return?” Karolina asks the next logical question.

“Information about PRIDE and Jonah,” Alex hesitates, and then adds, “and you guys’ super powers, the whole alien glowing thing-”

“-and you gave it to him?” This time it’s Nico who places a hand on Karolina’s hip to stop her advancing. “That wasn’t your decision to make, Alex!” Karolina clenches her hands into tight fists and tries to focus on Nico's touch, now steady at her elbow. “I barely even know who or what I am, and you went and gave a dangerous stranger that information?” 

Alex looks away, chagrined. “I’m sorry. I know. But we needed help, and who else could we go to?”

Karolina deflates at the painful reminder of what they’re up against. _Who_ they’re up against. 

Molly steps forward in the quiet. “So… you said we have somewhere safe to go?”

Alex nods, shooting one last apologetic look at Karolina. “Yeah. I’ve got a plan.”

 

The plan involves packing up the van and driving to the nearest Walmart as the sun brightens the horizon. “Thank you capitalism for 24 hour monster stores,” Gert mutters as they pull into the car park. It’s mostly quiet, only a handful of cars and empty carts, and Karolina breathes a little easier.

“Right, you’ve got your lists,” Alex says, pushing up his glasses and dishing out a number of bills. “We get what we need, but only what we can carry. Let’s be quick about this.”

Alex and Molly are on tech and food, Gert and Karolina are tasked with clothes, and Chase and Nico’s list covers toiletries and first aid.  Nico touches Karolina’s elbow again before she splits off with Gert.

 "I'm sorry about this morning." Nico hesitates and waves vaguely in the direction Alex and Molly have gone. "Earlier, with Alex. It wasn't- I didn't-" she trails off, and Karolina interrupts quickly before her heart starts aching all over again. 

 "It's okay, Nico, you don't need to explain," she says, and starts to walk away.

 Nico catches her wrist. "I want to," she says, looking a little uncertain but otherwise determined. 

And Karolina can't help it- looking down at where Nico's fingers touch her skin- hope creeping into her voice-

 "We can talk later?" 

It takes a whole heartbeat for Nico to reply, and it feels like an eternity. 

"Yeah," Nico says, "later." She gives Karolina a small smile and lets her wrist drop. "Oh, and for the clothes-" 

 “Dark colours, I know.” Karolina shakes her head to hide her smile.

“How did you-” Nico begins and Karolina laughs softly.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got you,” she says with a wink, and walks away leaving Nico staring after her. Granted, it takes an _enormous_ amount of self control not to skip over to where Gert is surveying Walmart’s generic collection of t-shirts, but-

She’s playing it cool.

“So I was thinking generic cheap multi-pack stuff for pyjamas and underwear,” says Gert when Karolina reaches her. “Then grab anything we can find that looks more like our personal aesthetics for everyday wear?”

“Sure,” Karolina says. “Sure.”

Gert looks at her, bemused. “What is wrong with you? Your face is all-” Gert makes a exaggerated dreamy sigh and her face contorts as she tries mimicking Karolina.

Karolina laughs, “Nothing’s wrong. Things are good, actually,” she says, although she tries to school her expression into something more neutral.

“I take it you spoke to Nico?” Gert turns back to the men’s pants. “You think these are good for Alex?”

Karolina nods. “Those are good.” Then, feels her smile return unbidden. “She _kissed_ me.”

Gert snorts. “I know, I caught you wiping her lipstick off your mouth, remember?”

“Not then,” Karolina flushes at the memory. “Last night before Alex disappeared on us. _She_ kissed _me_. And she wants to talk.”

Gert looks over at her properly for a second, an odd expression flashes over her face, and she turns away to flit aimlessly through a rack of t-shirts. “That's great," she says, and Karolina frowns at her back, trying to follow the change in pace. 

 "Sorry, I thought you and Chase were doing okay, I wasn’t trying to-”

“Oh, no- I didn’t mean- I wasn’t being-” Gert falters, turning back to Karolina with a wince. She fiddles with the sleeves of her denim jacket, and Karolina waits patiently. “I’m- I want to say I’m sorry.” Gert says after a moment, and looks up and holds eye contact. “I’m really sorry.”

“What for?” 

“For being an ass to you about Chase, and about Alex and Nico-” Gert hesitates before she ploughs on. “I was jealous and angry where I had no right to be, and that was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you.”

“Oh,” Karolina breathes. “You don’t have to-"

 "No, I do." Gert says. "I was basically threatening to out you, and that's _so_ fucked up, and  _never_ acceptable-"

 "Gert," Karolina interrupts softly before she can spiral. "It's okay."

 Gert exhales. "Really?"

 Karolina nods. "Yeah, really. You were right about my feelings even if you maybe went about things the wrong way. And I’m sorry too, for retaliating at the gala.”

 “I deserved it, for pushing you like that.”

“No you didn't,” Karolina shakes her head. “You're my friend, and instead of acting like it, I said what I thought might hurt the most. I should have realised you were probably feeling as shitty as I was.”

 Gert laughs, a little self-depreciating. "Yeah, me too," she says, and gives Karolina a genuine smile. "So, we're okay?"

 "Yeah." Karolina smiles back. 

 "Good." Gert lets go of the shirt she had been wringing between her fingers. "And for what it's worth, I really am glad it's working out with Nico. You've always been good together," she says, and then, "Also, we should probably get a move on."

 "Yeah, probably. Wait- we've always- wait _what_?" Karolina's brain catches up with Gert's words, but before she can ask what she had meant, Gert has walked off towards the women's section in search of underwear.

 “So,” Karolina drawls when she catches up. “About what you just said..."

 "I made a mistake." Gert tries to walk faster but Karolina follows easily. "We are not doing girl talk."

 “Hey, healthy girl talk isn’t inherently bad or non-feminist. Especially if we're gonna discuss my gay love life.” Gert looks over her shoulder, vaguely impressed, and Karolina nods sagely. “And we can talk about Chase too, as long as you remember,  _‘he is not the sun, you are_ ’.”

 “Nope,” Gert groans. “Do not start quoting Grey’s,” she says firmly, but she can’t quite hide the upturn of her lips as Karolina sings after her, "But you and Stein looked so  _cosy_ last night!"

 

* * *

 

Nico thinks that it’s entirely possible she has slipped and fallen into an alternate universe.

It’s barely past 8am and she’s bathed in the eerie white lights of Walmart choosing tampons and pads, while Chase who has been keeping pace next to her, has been talking about lesbianism for the past 5 minutes and has yet to run out of material.

Nico rethinks. Not an alternate universe. This is definitely hell. _I’ve died and gone to hell._

“How did I not realise she was gay?” Chase is saying, and Nico takes a very, very deep breath. It is far too early to think about this. In fact, she could really go for one of those six espresso shot coffees right about now. "The kiss definitely makes the top five list of least enthusiastic kisses."  _Top five?_ Nico winces.  _What kind of self burn-_ “You know what? Gert is right. Dating _is_ so heteronormative,” Chase continues, and Nico tries desperately to tune him out. “But don’t tell her I said that,” he says, and finally looks over at Nico, tossing a couple of toilet rolls into their basket. “It’s nice right?”

“What is?” Nico tries to focus, finding supplies is the priority, definitely not alien goddesses in yellow crop tops. _Shampoo, razors, bandages, gloves, antiseptic, toothpaste-_

“Being the centre of a girl’s attention.” Chase gives her an insufferable smirk. “Talking, flirting, y’know, _smiling_ every now and then.” He looks entirely too pleased with himself, and Nico spares him an eye roll.

“I’m not the one who fell asleep holding Gert’s hand over my heart,” she says, and then gives him a shove for good measure.

He yelps, but manages to upright himself before he crashes into the toilet paper display. “Just like the old days, huh?” He says wryly, and looks set to retaliate when Gert and Karolina appear at the end of the aisle, Molly trailing behind with a cart of food.

Gert raises an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing!” They say simultaneously, then turn to scowl at each other.

Gert frowns at them, and Nico feels Karolina’s curious eyes on her. “Well hurry up, we’re gonna go pay, we’ll see you out front.”

“Sure,” Chase tries for breezy but he’s too quick to smile.

“God, you’re such a goner,” Nico mutters, grabbing six toothbrushes off the shelf.

Chase just laughs. “Like you’re any better, Minoru,” he says with a wink.

Nico rolls her eyes again, but doesn’t protest when Chase takes the basket and bumps their shoulders as they make their way back to the checkouts.

She’s paying an uninterested cashier with crisp twenties when Molly comes racing back through the store and yells, “ _Guys_!”

She doesn’t have to say any more.

Chase stuffs his new backpack full, and then-

Then they run.

There’s a terrifying moment when Gert swings the van around in the Walmart car park and plays chicken with an LAPD patrol car and Nico thinks _this is when we die_ , but Gert floors the gas, and the police swerve at the last second, and then they’re flying out of town, headed towards the interstate in desperate panic.

“How did they find us?”

“What the hell happened?”

“Someone must have recognised us.”

“They’ve got the police after us, guys this is _insane_!”

Alex’s voice finally cuts through. “You all need to see this.”

He’s holding a newly acquired tablet, and on the screen the local news is playing and there’s-

There’s all of them. Six mug shots.

**_BREAKING - AMBER ALERT FOR MOLLY HERNANDEZ._ **

“Holy shit,” Molly breathes, and for once, none of them correct her language.

 _ **TEENAGERS WANTED IN CONNECTION TO THE MURDER OF DESTINY GONZALEZ**_.

 The text scrolls along the bottom of the screen, over and over, and panic bubbles in Nico's chest.

“What is it?” Gert calls from the front seat.

“They’ve framed us for her murder. Destiny. They’ve framed us.”

A horrible silence descends on the van, and Nico feels bile rising up in her throat.

“What are we _doing_?” She whispers, and nobody answers, only Karolina reaches over and takes Nico’s hand tightly in hers and holds steady when she doesn’t pull away.

 

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the feedback so far u are all babes!!!!


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